There’s no pain quite like the sting of a breakup – or at least that’s how it feels while you’re in the midst of one. You may feel as though you’re losing a limb when you part ways with your former significant other. Studies show that separating from a long-time partner is a similar chemical process in the brain to overcoming an addiction. You are neurologically tied to this person. But with some patience and intentional healing, you can navigate through the trenches of a breakup in due time.
Understand the Process
Just like any other loss, you will go through a grieving process after a breakup. That gut-wrenching pain won’t last forever. Expect to experience stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. These stages will vary for everyone. You may toggle back and forth between stages for a while or even go through this cycle multiple times. Ride the wave and know that this is only temporary.
Go No Contact
As difficult as it may be, consider going no contact with your ex. Keeping an open line of communication may unnecessarily prolong the healing process, and you may be tempted to get back together. Give yourself ample time to process the breakup before even thinking about reaching out. Delete their number, block or mute them on socials, and avoid showing up in places where you might run into them.
Get Rid of Reminders
It’s tempting to hold onto that old t-shirt your ex left behind, but doing so will prolong the grieving process. Remove anything that reminds you of your past relationship and store it away. If it feels cathartic, get rid of them altogether—maybe even burn them if you feel it may help.
Allow Time to Grieve
You may feel as though the pain will never fade, like you’re stuck in a time loop replaying every moment of your severed relationship. Allow yourself to feel it all. Cry it out. Enjoy that pint of ice cream. Cry some more. You must let all those emotions surface in order to move on and achieve true healing.
Reach Out to Friends
Now is the time to lean on your community. It’s normal to want nothing more than to seal yourself away and collapse under the weight of your emotions, but be sure to carve out time for your loved ones. Even if it’s just a quick visit here and there, getting human connection will be crucial as you heal.
Journal, Journal, Journal
It’s hard to make sense of your emotions in the midst of a breakup. Venting is helpful and necessary, but to truly get to the core of your heartache, you’ll need to unravel the layers of emotion. Journaling is an excellent practice for processing your breakup. It can help you put words to all the complicated feelings swirling around in your head.
Consider Therapy
Therapy is beneficial even on a good day. Don’t feel any shame about reaching out to a therapist as you navigate this major life change. Breakups often come with new routines, possibly a move, and, of course, the loss of someone important. This process will likely trigger a variety of complex emotions, and therapy can help guide you through it all.
Get a Change in Environment
In the beginning of a breakup, everything may remind you of your ex—even your home or your favorite places around town. If possible, take some time away from your usual environment. Consider a road trip or spending time with family—whatever it takes to get away for a while as you brace yourself for the most painful post-breakup days.
Clean Up Your Space
There’s only so much time you can spend wallowing in sadness. After a week or so, it may be time to establish a new normal. Start by cleaning up your surroundings. Do a deep clean if you’re up for it. Clutter can cause stress and contribute to negative emotions. If it feels overwhelming, invite a friend to help or even “body double” with you while you clean.
Build Out a New Routine
Creating a new routine is one of the most challenging aspects of post-breakup life. You’re probably accustomed to living life with your partner. Now is the time to form a sustainable, nourishing routine that suits you. What fills your cup? Working out? Art classes? Reading? Stay busy with activities you love.
Try Out a New Hobby
Think about all the hobbies you’ve always said you’d try one day. Now is the time to dive in and explore your interests. Want to learn Spanish? Hire a tutor. Always wanted to pick up pottery? Look up local classes you can join. Invest in yourself and find ways to enjoy your own company.
Take Time to Stay Single
When you’re in the throes of a breakup, the loneliness can feel overwhelming. You might be tempted to text your ex or download a dating app. However, now is not the time to start a new romance, casual or otherwise. Take time to heal and be on your own before inviting someone else into your life.
Start a Mindfulness Practice
Staying present is crucial as you move through the grieving process. As painful as it might be, anchoring yourself in the present is key to healing. The more you choose to numb out, the longer the healing will take. Consider mindful walks, starting a new sport, or beginning a meditation practice.
Try a Social Media Detox
Social media can be a breeding ground for prolonged breakup pain, from polished happy couple content to posts mentioning your ex. It won’t do you any favors to get lost in a scroll hole, and social media can hinder mindfulness. Consider taking some time away from the digital realm as you work through your breakup.
Be Kind to Yourself
You need to be your own best friend throughout your breakup journey. Be kind to yourself on the tough days. Remember, it’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions as you work through this process. Be patient with yourself, and trust that if you follow the advice above, you’ll soon feel like yourself again.
