Everyone processes the death of a loved one differently. Common misconceptions surrounding grief are based on the belief that grieving has stages. However, grief is non-linear—one person might respond to loss by crying, while another might appear stoic. There is no right or wrong way to cope with the immense pain of losing someone you loved dearly. Here are 15 myths about grieving that only cause you more grief.
You Are Not Sad Unless You Cry
According to George Bonanno, a clinical psychology professor at Columbia University, grief responses take many forms, including sadness, laughter, bawdiness, and celebration. Bonanno coined the term “coping ugly” to describe coping mechanisms that seem counterintuitive. After conducting nearly two decades of research, he concluded that resilience is one of the main components of grief. While sadness is a common reaction, the absence of grief and trauma symptoms can also be a healthy response.
The Grieving Process Has Specific Steps
The “Five Stages” of grief model introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross is commonly misinterpreted. The theory suggests that people go through specific stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Nonetheless, the model was proposed to describe people going through the process of death, not necessarily the act of grieving. While the Kübler-Ross model might shed some light on the grieving process, it should be taken with a grain of salt.
Grieving Has a Timeline
If everyone grieves differently, it follows that people spend different amounts of time grieving. There is no set amount of time one can expect to grieve. In some cases, an extended period of grief can lead to a prolonged grief disorder diagnosis. This occurs when a griever experiences severe grieving symptoms that disrupt their life for more than six months. However, many factors contribute to the length of time a person grieves.
You Should Cope By Staying Busy
Since there is no right or wrong way to grieve, the advice to stay busy is often futile. While some may find solace in putting more energy into work, it is vital to recognize whether you are actively coping or simply suppressing your feelings. Make sure you give yourself time to be sad if that is what you need. Holding in strong emotions can lead to a meltdown. Give yourself the time and space you need to cope with your loss.
You Should Think About Them Every Day
Some people fear that if they don’t think about their deceased loved one every day, they will forget them forever. While losing a loved one and the special bond you shared is tragic, you don’t need to give yourself an unrealistic expectation. There will be moments in your daily life when you remember them naturally. Likely, the deceased doesn’t want you to be swallowed by sadness; they would prefer you to continue living a happy life.
Cope By Suppressing Your Feelings
Some people believe the only way to cope with a close death is to suppress their feelings. Loss is excruciating. You should allow yourself to express your true feelings. Sometimes, talking with family or close friends is helpful. Try taking up an art or exercise class. These are great ways to express your emotions and ensure you grieve while continuing with your life.
Only Family and Close Friends Should Be Grieving
Sometimes, a death at your social periphery can be just as devastating as losing a family member or friend. Death is inherently devastating. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by sadness when you find out a neighbor has passed away or a friend’s family member has died. You are sad because you are empathetic—you feel for the person who is coping with loss. You don’t have to be a close friend or a family member to experience grief.
You Should Only Take a Few Days Off
There’s no universal guideline on how many days you need to gather yourself. Since everyone’s process looks different, there isn’t a set number of days for grieving. Your employer may permit a certain number of absences for grieving, but that doesn’t mean it is enough. If you are experiencing difficulties returning to work, seek help from a licensed therapist. They can help you process your loss and may recommend taking more time to grieve properly.
You Shouldn’t Explain Death to Your Children
Death is a part of life, and what more significant lesson is there for a child than experiencing it firsthand? Parents may think that shielding their son or daughter from the reality of death will prevent emotional pain, but they will eventually face it one way or another. When you feel your child can understand that someone is no longer with you, it’s important to talk about it and explore those feelings. Children need to learn healthy coping mechanisms so that it doesn’t lead to future problems.
Men Don’t Cry
The notion that “men don’t cry” is a social construct that can prevent people from processing their emotions. Crying and being sad are normal reactions to loss, and stifling these impulses could prolong the grieving process or cause significant disruption in one’s life.
Seeing a Therapist Does Not Mean You Are Weak
By 2025, the stigma surrounding mental health has declined. More people are open to discussing their feelings and seeking therapy. If you’re struggling with the loss of a loved one, a grief counselor or therapist can be an excellent resource. Seeking help does not mean you are weak—don’t believe the old notion.
Talking About the Deceased Won’t Help You Move On
Some people experiencing grief may believe the best way to cope is by not talking about their deceased loved one. While everyone experiences grief differently and there is no single right or wrong way to grieve, actively suppressing your natural urge to talk about your loved one could stifle the healing process. You must determine what you need—whether that means talking about the deceased or not is a personal decision.
Moving On Does Not Mean Forgetting Them
Grieving and the process that follows is natural when you lose a loved one. However, the person on this Earth would not want you to become paralyzed with sadness. They would like you to lead a happy and fulfilling life. Moving on is an integral part of the process. Just because you are moving on doesn’t mean you’ll forget them; they will always remain in your memories.
You Could Have Done Something Differently
People often obsess over what they could have done differently when someone passes—whether reaching out more or being there before it happened. Grief can lead you into many “what if” scenarios that might have changed the outcome. Yet, being consumed by these thoughts can be dangerous. You don’t have control of the situation, and it is unlikely you could have prevented it. Tormenting yourself will only prolong your grief.
It Was Your Fault
Another dangerous thinking pattern is when you blame yourself for their death. Their death is unlikely the result of anything you did, and dwelling on these possibilities can paralyze you in sadness. Not only will you be grieving the loss, but you may also be riddled with guilt. It’s okay to talk about these thoughts, but wrapping yourself up in unhelpful self-blame can be counterproductive to the grieving process.
