Marriage is one of the most challenging commitments we can take on. You are guaranteed to make some mistakes along the way. It’s important for both you and your husband to take radical responsibility in doing their part. If you’re ready to take a real look at how you can do your part, consider these 15 behaviors that may be hurting your husband more than you think.
Hypercriticism
While it’s normal to offer your husband constructive criticism, this can easily turn into hypercriticism if you’re not cautious. Take a look at your communication on an average day. If you find yourself critiquing every little thing your husband does, you might need to take a step back and ask if you’re being too harsh.
Forgetting to Say Thank You
It’s so easy to forget what made us fall for our partners in the first place and take what they bring to us for granted. Make it a regular practice to thank your husband for what he does—big and small. Gratitude is a vital gesture both parties should express regularly.
Nitpicking
Are you constantly criticizing the way your husband does the dishes? Or perhaps you regularly question the way he spends his free time. We have to accept a partner as their own individual who is bound to do things differently than us. As long as these differences don’t amount to an issue with your values, it’s important not to nitpick silly little behaviors too often.
Not Spending Intentional Time With Him
In this modern age, we often tend to be in a hurry. From hustle culture to the near constant presence of screens, it’s easy to forget to plan intentional time with our partners. Make time to plan dates with your husband together regularly. Whether it’s a home cooked meal or minigolf, that quality time is vital for your relationship.
Telling Him He’s Annoying
No one likes to feel like they’re annoying their loved ones. Even if they don’t express it, your husband is no different. Since men have a harder time speaking up about this sort of thing, you may be hurting his feelings more than you know by telling him he’s annoying.
Making Him Feel Bad About Displaying Emotions
Unfortunately, men are socialized to suppress their emotions and bottle up the things that bother them. If your husband feels safe enough to express his emotions with you and you shut him down, you’re doing major damage to your relationship. Men are human beings too and it’s important to create an environment where you can both openly express yourselves.
Questioning His Masculinity
Everyone has a different understanding of what it means to be feminine or masculine. These identities can be a bit more fluid for women. However, a lot of men verge towards embracing their masculine more. Calling that into question, telling them to “be a man”, can be more of a stab to their heart than you may know.
Holding Grudges
Grudges are toxic seeds that can grow into resentment. If your husband does something that bothers you, communicate that. If and when you work that out, you must let it go. Don’t allow it to be something you bring up again and again even after he apologizes. Learn to let go of issues once they’re properly resolved.
Not Initiating Touch
Physical touch is an important aspect of most healthy, sustainable relationships. Men tend to give and receive love through physical touch more than other love languages. It may really hurt your husband’s feelings if you never offer a random hug or kiss throughout the day. A little physical affection can go a long way.
Taking Him Down a Peg
Poking fun at your partner in front of your friends and family is all fun and games until it hits too close to home. It’s not worth it to get a cheap laugh at your husband’s expense if it truly does hurt his feelings. It’s only natural to joke around but just be cautious not to take it too far.
Too Much Screen Time
Screens inundate every aspect of our lives in this digital era. We can easily slip into spending all our time with our loved ones watching TV or scrolling on our phones. Be intentional about time together. Plan unplugged dates so you can maintain a strong connection in a time when that can so easily fall by the wayside.
Not Giving Him Room to Parent
As a mother, it’s not uncommon to micromanage all the parenting duties. You may anticipate your child’s needs on an intuitive level and dismiss your husband’s attempts to parent in his own way. While it feels like you know best, you have to give your husband room to find his own way with the children too.
Giving Vague Directions
Communication is everything. If you’re constantly getting frustrated by the outcome of your requests to your husband, maybe you can work on giving more specifics. It can be frustrating having to ask for something more than once, but before you get upset ask yourself if you had a specific request or if there was room for interpretation.
Keeping Score
Playing tit for tat is never a productive game. Relationships are never really 50/50. Sometimes they’re 60/40 or even 70/30. Sometimes we need to give more or rely on our partners more. Don’t hold this against your husband when things aren’t equal. The pendulum is sure to swing the other way eventually.
Only Talking About Family and Marriage Duties
Even after you start a family, you need to find ways to center your relationship. You’re not just co-parents or housemates. First and foremost, you’re a couple. Be sure to carve out time just to be together. After all, once the kids grow up and move out, you’ll be left with each other. It’s vital to always prioritize keeping a strong bond.
