We’re fed a lot of false ideas of what being in a relationship is all about. From your nosy aunt to the self-proclaimed “relationship gurus” online, there is no shortage of mixed messaging and bad love advice out there. Cut through the noise and stop believing these 15 relationship myths.
You Will Never Fight
Fighting is a completely normal part of any healthy relationship. Think about it. You are merging two lives, two backgrounds, and two ways of navigating the world. There are bound to be some disagreements along the way. You will likely need to hash out your differences now and then. As long as you are fighting in a healthy manner, there is nothing to worry about.
Marriage is Just a Piece of Paper
Marriage is a huge commitment. But with many young couples already living together and practically living like a married couple, some people believe it’s just a piece of paper. However, this promise to spend now until forever together is still meaningful. Your day-to-day life may look similar, but there should be an added weight of responsibility and a deeper sense of love for one another after marriage.
You’ll Agree on Everything
Agreeing on everything is not a requirement of a healthy relationship. In fact, the duality of two individuals can be a really beautiful thing. Respectfully hear out your partner’s opinions and express yours in a way that doesn’t shut them down. While it’s important to agree on the big stuff, trivial differences like which way the toilet paper should face are no big deal.
Love Alone Is Enough
Love is the spark that binds us together, but commitment and hard work are what keep couples together for decades to come. Remember, love is not a noun; it’s a verb. That pie-in-the-sky infatuation doesn’t last. Picking your person again and again over a lifetime is what keeps couples together.
You Need to Be Completely Independent
Independence is an invaluable skill you must bring to the table when entering a relationship. It’s so important to know how to take care of yourself. But when you commit to a person for the long haul, hyper-independence can drive a wedge between you and your partner. You have to be willing to merge your lives, not just live parallel, independent lives.
Couples Counseling is For Failing Couples
Therapy and counseling on an individual basis are far more normal than they once were. But there is still a stigma that couples counseling is a last-ditch effort for failing relationships. This is completely off base. Counseling can be an amazing tool for couples at any point in their relationship and can even be great as a check-in when your relationship is in a good place.
It Should Always Feel Easy
Relationships are a difficult undertaking–maybe one of the most challenging commitments. While it shouldn’t be a constant struggle, it’s more than normal to encounter the occasional bump in the road. If you have seasons where it feels hard, your relationship is not doomed. How you navigate through difficult times together makes all the difference.
The “Spark” Will Never Go Away
Have you heard of the honeymoon stage? Well, it’s true that the beautiful bubble of excitement and bliss eventually pops. This is normal. Once you get into a normal rhythm, you should expect a natural lull in the relationship. It’s up to you to maintain that “spark” by nurturing the relationship and constantly pursuing each other.
You’ll Have All the Same Interests
Maybe you’re into book club with brunch and your partner is more of a mountain climber and beer. Regardless, your differences are not an impediment to your overall relationship. In fact, having different interests can be a valuable way to have alone time, which is important for any healthy relationship.
Intimacy Should Always Be Spontaneous
In the beginning, you probably couldn’t keep your hands off each other. The relationship is new and exciting, and it can feel a lot more spontaneous. However, this doesn’t last forever, and that’s okay. If your intimacy is more planned or intentional, it doesn’t make it any less special. What’s most important is that you’re always finding ways to connect.
Your Partner Should Just “Know” What You Need
Sometimes we may get into a mood where we feel our partner should just know what to say or how to make us feel better. This often stems from a need we have to fulfill ourselves. Yes, your partner should know you well, but they can’t read your mind. Be sure to communicate what you need before you get upset when your S.O. is not fulfilling them.
Children Fix the Relationship
The last thing you should do if you’re on the rocks with your partner is to bring a child into the mix intentionally. Child rearing is one of the most challenging undertakings a couple can take on together. While it is a fulfilling process, it threatens to tear apart a couple that isn’t secure. Be sure that you are in a place to hunker down together and be on the same team if you’re welcoming a baby into the family.
You’ll Always Feel Blissfully Happy
Love can feel like pure bliss sometimes. But it’s important to weather the storm with your partner during rough times too. If you go through a tough season, that doesn’t mean you’re failing in your relationship. It just means you need to hold close to each other until whatever difficulty you’re facing is resolved.
It’s Always 50/50
We can’t always show up with all our energy in our relationships sometimes. There are portions of time where things need to be 40/60 or even 30/70. It’s important to be able to pick up the slack when your partner is going through a hard time and for you to be able to count on your other half to lean on if you’re struggling.
You Can Emotionally Dump
Yes, you should be able to tell your partner everything—nothing is off the table. But there is a difference between venting and emotionally dumping. There comes a time when you’ve complained about the same thing so much that it could be weighing on your partner more heavily than it should. Be sure that you address the issues in your life instead of using your partner to carry your emotional burden.
