Most of us like to think we’re self-aware – after all, who knows us better than ourselves? But sometimes, we can be blind to how our behavior impacts our relationships. If you and your partner are constantly arguing, or if you sense unsettling tension, it’s possible that you might be exhibiting toxic patterns. This article shares 10 indicators to help you recognize if you’re the toxic one, and how to start resolving it.
Dishonesty and Lying
If only you could spot a liar by the size of their nose. However, it’s not that easy. Relationships are built on a firm foundation of honesty and trust, and if you find yourself lying, it may be an indicator that you are the toxic one in the relationship. Self-awareness and reflection can be challenging for some people, but they are necessary if you want to save your partnership.
Neglecting Your Partner’s Needs
If your partner repeatedly tells you she needs more affection, this should be a big indicator you might be neglecting your partner’s needs. Resolve to meet those needs and watch your relationship flourish. Ignore them and they could feel alone and unheard. Communicate with your partner to understand what they need and brainstorm how to fill their cup.
Creating Drama and Conflict
If you criticize your partner or bring up past issues for the sake of argument, you could be the toxic one in your relationship. It can be a difficult habit to break if your own family has conditioned it. Listen to your partner and understand when they tell you they don’t want to fight. Watch some reality TV shows to get your craving for conflict.
Passive-Aggressiveness
Sometimes aggression doesn’t appear as violence. It could be little things that you do to make your partner upset, like leaving the toilet seat up. If you’re purposely doing stuff around the house to upset your partner, it’s a huge indicator that you are being a toxic partner. Take a hard look at yourself and ask, “What is causing me to act this way?” You could come to an uncomfortable answer, but you can guarantee your relationship will improve.
Controlling Behavior
Are you constantly checking your partner’s phone? Do you prevent them from going out with friends? Do you need to know what your partner is doing at every part of the day? It sounds like you might be controlling in a relationship. If you feel compelled to control your partner’s every move, you are being toxic. Allow your partner to have healthy autonomy. Therapy can be a valid option if things don’t improve.
Invalidating Your Partner’s Feelings
You are always entitled to your feelings. Don’t let your partner say otherwise. If your partner tells you that their feelings are hurt, you need to acknowledge them. Ask them what they need. Don’t ignore your partner’s emotions because that will push you away and bring tension into the relationship. If you continue invalidating your partner, you are toxic, my friend.
Blame-Shifting
When people get caught doing something they shouldn’t be doing, a master manipulator will shift the blame. Guilt and shame are uncomfortable feelings that nobody likes to dwell on. However, if you are constantly blaming your partner for your relationship problems, you might be participating in blame-shifting. It takes courage to face those emotions, but your relationship will thank you in the end.
Lack of Empathy and Support
Your partner had a challenging work day, with frustrating interactions between customers or clients. What do they need? They want you to have empathy. If they get home and feel like they need a nap, and the schedule allows it, understand they need it to rejuvenate. Support your partner when they are in need; if you constantly find yourself absent, you might be a toxic partner.
Manipulation and Control
This indicator was touched upon earlier, but manipulation can be more nuanced, deserving its own toxic characteristic. There is a level of deception and deviousness in manipulation that can ruin any relationship. If you are only thinking about yourself, your partner might express frustration. It’s important to listen to them and be empathetic. A partnership is between two people and compromise is paramount to its longevity.
Constant Criticism and Belittling
Do you have a deep resentment for your partner? It’s possible you are projecting your own trauma, or continuing family history. It might seem harmless, but sometimes harsh words can sink deep into your partner and poison your relationship. We want you to have a healthy relationship with your partner, and if you’re aware of these indicators, you are taking the first steps to change.
