Independence isn’t a bad thing. It shows confidence, self-reliance, and that you can handle things and manage your life well. However, when it comes to relationships, a higher level of independence can be the cause of barriers both physically and emotionally, and it can cause an issue when you don’t want to be around other people at all if you’re trying to create a healthy, nurturing relationship.
Extreme Self-Reliance
Emotional self-reliance is healthy, but not if it becomes an extreme issue. For instance, in a relationship, you need to have a willingness to open up, be vulnerable, or seek the support of your partner. If you never do any of these things, you’ll find that having a relationship will be incredibly difficult because you won’t have a strong emotional connection.
Inability To Compromise
In relationships, you have to be able to compromise. Is it always fun? No. Is it necessary? Yes. Not every argument is the hill to die on and if you find that you can’t compromise even on small issues, it may be an indicator that you’re not ready for the give and take necessary for relationships.
Physical Love
Now, this is not the only important thing in a relationship, and plenty of couples stay together without physical love, so it’s not a deal breaker if you can’t manage it. However, it could signal a fear of growing close to someone, and it could be a sign that you want to remain independent.
You Don’t Like Communication
When you don’t like communication, this could be an issue as well. It’s going to be almost impossible to have a relationship without talking or communicating at all. You need to have open communication so that you can develop the emotional bond needed to connect. Being too independent could unfortunately hinder that progress.
Overlooking Others Needs
While you might not mean to, an overly independent person could unintentionally undervalue your partner’s needs or overlook them. It could be that you put a greater focus on yourself, which can lead to problems like a lack of understanding, sympathy, or empathy. This causes issues when you want a balanced relationship.
Imbalance
A relationship is about balance. One person doesn’t need to dominate or bulldoze the other person. If you’re hyper-independent, you could find that you assume all of the control, leading the other person to feel undervalued and powerless. This can lead to resentment and eventual anger. None of which is healthy.
Separate Lives
It’s healthy to have your own friends. However, if you’re finding that your social life is entirely separate from your partner, and you want to keep it that way, then it suggests that you enjoy being single or at least the illusion of being single. For instance, if you like dancing and going to the clubs but don’t want your partner there, you’re constantly alone, and you’re leading two different lives.
Goals
A relationship that lasts the distance needs to be based in some part on goals. If couples don’t have the same future in mind, it doesn’t work. For instance, if one person wants kids, and the other person wants to work or go to school, and they don’t want to settle down right now, the relationship won’t work the way people want it to because these are issues where people don’t want to compromise. If your goals are that different, there’s nothing wrong with that, but an inability to integrate your life with another’s shows that you might not be ready to enter a relationship seriously.
Solo Decisions
A relationship is about two people, not one. If you’re making all of the decisions and not consulting your partner about anything, that’s an issue. You have to consider the feelings of the other person, and you should never make life-changing decisions on your own in a relationship. It undermines them.
Leaving
People who have social anxiety don’t like being in crowds, but if that’s not the case and you constantly find yourself leaving and not giving anything a chance, it can be something you need to work on. Not wanting to be around anyone can signify that you feel more comfortable not having to be in a relationship.
Trust
Independent people like how they do things. When you form a relationship, though, chances are your partner isn’t going to do things 100% like you do. If you’re constantly at odds with someone over where to put house shoes or loading a dishwasher, it could show that you don’t trust them.
Stubbornness
You have to soften a bit when you are combining your life with someone else. You’re not always right, neither are they, but if you can’t let go of certain habits, or at the very least pull back a little bit, it shows that you value yourself before anyone else and have an unwillingness to let go of control.
You Run
Running can show commitment issues, and that you don’t handle conflict. If you don’t like conflict, that’s a sign that you’re not ready to have another person in your life until you can work that out. In addition to this, if you want to run, don’t ghost the other person. If you don’t want to confront them directly, there are different ways to handle the situation.
Ignoring Activities
If your partner is planning activities and trying to bond with you and you find this sickening, annoying, or repellent, then you should think about that long and hard. Are the activities boring, not your thing? Suggest something else. If you can’t bring yourself to share your life and plan activities together at all, then you should step back.
You Don’t Want Them
This one is obvious, but if you don’t want the person, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. If you don’t want them in your space, you want to keep everything as is, then you want to be alone because you’re not willing to allow someone to break down that wall. When you’re independent, you have your life the way you want it which is understandable. If you can’t budge on anything however, the best option might be staying alone for awhile.
When It’s Too Much
Independence is a great thing for you, but you have to think about whether you’re willing to sacrifice to be with someone else. In a relationship, wanting to be around the other person is important and the ability to create loving bonds, trust, and emotional connection. Through this list you’ll see that if you’re too independent, you might not be ready for a genuine relationship. At least not yet.
