Relationships are built on a strong foundation of trust. When there’s a breach, it’s often hard to recover, and hurt feelings can be hard to shake. You’ll need to decide whether the issues are worth mending at this critical moment. You may discover that the person you’re trying to form a connection with is not worth your time. We’ve compiled 15 red flags of an untrustworthy person so you don’t have to go through disappointment. Time to rethink your relationship.
Lack of Accountability
One of the markers of an untrustworthy person is their lack of accountability. When there is a problem, they often become defensive and blame someone else. People who lack humility and can’t take responsibility for a mistake or failure lack the virtue of honesty. Everyone makes mistakes, and accepting your mistakes is essential, especially if you want others to trust you.
Secretive Behavior
Secretive behavior is another marker of an untrustworthy person. If someone does something behind your back, they usually do so because they don’t want you to find out. More than likely, it’s something hurtful. Friendships require honesty even if that means hurting someone’s feelings. You can lose a person’s trust if you do sneaky things behind their back. Friendship is built on honesty and trust, so don’t do suspicious stuff if you want your relationship to thrive.
Pattern of Dishonesty
Relationships are built on trust. If you consistently catch your friend in lies, big or small, this could be a sign they are untrustworthy. Decide whether the relationship is worth the effort to solve the issue. Approach your friend with compassion and understanding. You might discover their dishonesty stems from personal trauma or insecurities. You might be surprised at how a little conversation can improve your relationship.
Manipulative Tactics
Sensitive people are more prone to manipulation than those who are self-assured. You might not even realize you are being manipulated unless you discuss your issues with another friend. If you discover your friend is trying to get you to do things for their gain at your expense, it might be time to contemplate that relationship. Being taken advantage of doesn’t feel good, so have the difficult conversation. Hopefully, they’ll be willing to reflect.
Control Issues
You can tell someone has control issues if they can’t handle things when they don’t go as planned. People who struggle with this tend to overreact. They could lash out verbally or physically. When their expectations are not met, they can feel immense pain. Approach these situations with caution. You can only do so much to help your friend. Bringing awareness to the issue is the first step. They need to take the initiative to change.
Anger Management Problems
Untrustworthy people tend to have issues controlling their emotions. They feel their feelings intensely, leading them to behave in ways they wouldn’t ordinarily. Volatility is not a quality you want in a friend, especially if you share personal and private thoughts. If your friend is quick to fly off the handle, resorts to name-calling, or even physical violence, you know it’s time to have a real conversation. Understand that not everyone is willing to change. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider your friendship if they meet you with resistance.
Substance Abuse
People who struggle with control issues can also struggle with substance abuse. These people have trouble stopping and saying no to substances that alter their brain chemistry. Oftentimes, people who use drugs are self-medicating, attempting to solve a deeper conflict. While drugs may work, it is usually only temporary. They can make problems more prominent. If you have a friend dealing with substance abuse issues, it’s time to confront the elephant in the room.
Extreme Jealousy or Possessiveness
Like we said earlier, untrustworthy people often have trouble controlling their emotions. If you have a partner or friend who gets jealous when you hang out with others or give others attention, they may have some personal issues to work on. Jealousy and possessiveness often stem from deep insecurities. Perhaps they have been hurt in the past by someone. If the relationship is valuable to you, have a conversation with them. They may not be worth your time if they are unwilling to self-reflect.
Ignoring Boundaries
Boundaries are important because they protect you from getting hurt. If a partner or friend has trouble with them, you can only have so many conversations until you exhaust your effort. People who ignore your boundaries often don’t respect you. Do you want to be friends with someone who doesn’t respect you? When you communicate your boundaries, you expect others to adhere to them. If they consistently cross them and you get hurt, perhaps it’s time to say “sayonara.”
Rationalizing Unethical Behavior
You know there’s an issue when your friend starts rationalizing unethical behavior. Untrustworthy people often do things that hurt other people. They don’t consider anyone’s feelings. They only consider themselves. If they try to justify their lying, it’s time to reevaluate whether you want to befriend this person. Someone who doesn’t show humility or accountability cannot learn and grow from their mistakes. Is that someone you want in your life?
Lack of Empathy
Untrustworthy people often lack empathy. When you tell a friend your problems, you expect them to listen and try to understand why you feel these feelings. If you are visibly upset and they look at you like there’s something wrong with you, perhaps this isn’t the friend you should go to for seeking comfort. You want someone who can understand your problems and emotions, and if they aren’t providing you with emotional support, maybe they lack empathy. Look to someone else in your time of need.
Contradictory Statements
This one fits in with lying. If your friend’s actions contradict their words, something is wrong. They could be lying to you. Actions speak louder than words sometimes, and if they are constantly hurting your feelings and not following through on things they say they’re going to do, it’s time to reconsider this friendship. You want to trust your friends with personal information, but if they say one thing and do another, perhaps they are not the person you want to share this with.
Vague or Evasive Answers
Untrustworthy people will often give vague or evasive answers. When you ask them a question, they are usually expected to answer you truthfully. However, this person cannot be trusted if they are dodging specific answers. You should avoid sharing personal details with them. You should be able to trust your friends; if someone shows they can’t answer questions truthfully, they won’t make a good friend.
Uses “People-Pleasing” Tactics
Manipulative people often use “people-pleasing” tactics to get what they want. They will do nice things for you so that you will do something that will benefit them in some way. It can be hard to tell when someone is being genuinely nice to you or playing you so they can get you to do something for them. Be suspicious of someone who is constantly nice to you,
Lack of Emotional Intelligence
You want to be in tune with other people and their emotions. People who aren’t are usually more self-centered because they can’t consider others. You want to be able to trust your friend with sensitive information—your feelings. People who lack emotional intelligence can’t always pick up on social cues, which is vital for showing empathy.
