While living in the modern world comes with its perks, we also miss out on the benefits of a slower, simpler time. We rush through life so much these days that we often miss out on truly building a life worth bragging about with our partner. You may roll your eyes at some practices the older people in your life cling to, but we can learn a thing or two from our elders. Let’s dive into some key lessons we can learn from old-school relationships.
Being Present
Between our screens and the never-ending expectation to give in to hustle culture, plenty of distractions pull us away from our significant others. Unplugging and spending quality time with your person is invaluable. Being present is easier said than done. Start with small adjustments. Block out “no phone times.” Plan intentional dates where the two of you can chat and have fun. Instead of ending your night with your favorite TV show or scrolling on social media, form a nurturing nighttime routine together.
Always Express Gratitude
Most of us have no problem rattling off every little inconvenience bothering us. Left unchecked, we become negativity-seeking machines. How often does this fixation on the negative cause unnecessary issues within our relationships? Gratitude is an age-old tenet that many of us could benefit from. When your partner is driving you up the wall, take a deep breath and think about all the ways you love them. You may be surprised how this simple practice can stop a silly argument dead in its tracks.
It’s You Two Against the World
Partnership works best when both parties are fully bought in. When you decide to spend the unforeseeable future with someone, you have to trust them enough to merge your lives. It’s not enough to live in parallel, handling all your affairs separately. Millennials and Gen-Z are known for their fear of commitment, but there is no room for that if you want a truly fulfilling, sustainable relationship.
The Work Never Stops
Back in the day, when something broke, it was your job to fix it. The things and people around us were not as easily replaceable. While you need to set firm boundaries around what isn’t acceptable in your relationship, don’t give up on it because of simple annoyances or the natural tension that comes from sharing a life with someone. When things fall apart, it’s time to roll up your sleeves and get to work repairing your relationship.
Don’t Give in to Entitlement
People love to poke fun at younger generations for their “participation award” entitlement. It’s true that Millennials and Gen-Z grew up in a softer setting. Healthier parenting styles and child-centered learning have many benefits but, in some cases, can lead to entitlement. Remember, you are entitled to respect and safety in your relationship, but you are not entitled to perfection from your partner. It’s not fair to make trivial demands or to dismiss their perspective outright.
Put Respect at the Center of Everything
Respect is vital in any relationship. Regardless of how maddening it is that your partner keeps leaving cups on their nightstand, it’s not okay to stoop to name-calling or degrading remarks. This can quickly lead to contempt—which, according to the Gottman Institute, is the number one indicator of divorce. Each of us deserves a space to navigate conflict in a respectful, productive environment.
Go Above and Beyond
Contrary to the comments you may see online, it’s not lame to care. Your partner will always appreciate earnest, thoughtful acts. Even if you’ve been together for a decade, it’s important to continuously fan that spark. Plan dates. Bring home their favorite snack. Make time to tell your significant other how much they mean to you. If you choose to go above and beyond, you will build a sustaining, strong connection.
Find Your Roles
While roles of the past were often non-negotiable and unpleasant, they can still serve as an important building block in your relationship. Roles should play to each partner’s strengths and aid in simplifying your daily routine. For instance, maybe you take charge of the budget and your partner handles issuing the payments, or perhaps you cook and they clean. Having a task you can take ownership of can cut back on a lot of confusion and resentment in your partnership.
Unplugged Quality Time
Countless distractions bid for our attention every second of every day. We encounter more stimuli on any given day than our ancestors could ever imagine. That’s why carving out time for true quality time is so vital for not only your relationship but also your well-being. Take time every week to put your devices down and genuinely connect with your significant other.
Fall in Love With Inner Beauty
Attraction and exterior beauty are certainly factors in finding someone you want to date, but when it comes to long-term partnerships, you need to seek inner beauty. If you’re still looking for your person, get specific about the internal attributes you need in a partner. While you can find superficial attraction in abundance, only a few may pass through the doors based on their values, personality, and sense of humor.
Always Be Honest
Honesty is the glue that fortifies a relationship. While little white lies may seem harmless, over time they compound. It may feel uncomfortable, but it’s better to tell an uncomfortable truth than allow an easier lie to fester. Even if your partner doesn’t catch on right away, the truth always has a way of coming to light eventually.
Work Out Issues Together, Not With the World
As much as it may feel cathartic to vent your relationship issues to friends or family, it’s not always the most constructive practice. When you’re in the middle of conflict, outside opinions may muddle your judgment and cause more issues between you and your significant other. Ask yourself: will talking this out with my friends really get me any closer to a resolution, or will it just be a place to get affirmation that I’m right and they’re wrong?
Stay Loyal
It’s a massive responsibility to hold someone’s heart in your hands. Don’t take this lightly. It’s natural to find other people attractive, but that is as far as any thoughts of other people should go. Don’t be the person who shatters your partner’s trust by stepping out. Do the right thing and maintain the appropriate boundaries to ensure that you always stay loyal.
Embrace Changes
Try as we might, it’s impossible to know exactly how the future will turn out. External forces are always threatening to turn our worlds upside down. This is hard enough to contend with as a single person. Adding another person to the mix can be messy. That’s why it’s vital to choose someone who can ride the waves of change with you. Many older couples say that you will both change over and over. Be ready to fall in love with each new version of your partner every time.
Have Fun Together
As serious as we try to make life out to be, it can be a lot more light-hearted than we think. Many older people say that if they could go back and give their younger selves advice, they would tell them to care less and have more fun. Don’t take time with your partner for granted. Soak up every laugh and every casual stroll through the grocery store. Life is precious, and those of us who find someone we love to share it with are truly rich.
