Relationships are give and take, and unfortunately, we live in a world where fiction, movies, and other things dictate what is and isn’t acceptable. Booktok is alive with the toxicity of unhealthy relationships and unrealistic expectations. With our list of things you shouldn’t be okay with, you’ll see that sometimes you need to break free.
Isolation
If your partner asks you to ditch all of your friends and isolate you, it’s a red flag. Another warning sign is if they want you to get rid of a friend simply because they don’t like them or don’t get along with your family. Some married couples have been together for years and may not get along with everyone, but they never ask their spouse to cut someone out without a valid reason.
Values
One thing you shouldn’t do is compromise your values. If your husband or boyfriend really loves you, they won’t ask you to change an intrinsic part of who you are. It’s a compromise you wouldn’t ask them to make, so they shouldn’t do it to you. The point of a serious relationship is to love each other for who you are.
Demand Life Changes
When life changes occur, healthy couples communicate; they both reach a decision together and then act on it. If someone is demanding that you drop everything and go, it’s a bad sign. A supportive person will love you and want to discuss things before jumping in and imposing any change so that you can reach an understanding that works for both of you. Don’t force it.
Lying For Them
You should never feel like someone is forcing you to lie for them. If you’re with someone who has done something illegal or is hiding an immoral secret, you should consider leaving. You don’t deserve consequences for actions you haven’t committed. The best course of action is to think about leaving and keeping yourself safe.
Opening The Relationship
A relationship between two people doesn’t automatically include a third. If your spouse asks for an open relationship and you don’t want it, there is a good chance that they’re being unfaithful, and you should leave. There are dozens of horror stories on social media about people being forced into this type of relationship, and it can take forever to get out once you’re in. It doesn’t have to be you.
Cheating
Cheating isn’t acceptable, and no one should believe otherwise. If your partner has cheated and asks for a free pass, claims it’s a one-time thing, or simply tells you to get over it, you don’t need that in your life. You can forgive, but you don’t have to stay with someone who could do that and not change.
Intimacy
Intimacy is an important part of any relationship, and if your partner is trying to get you to do things that you’re not comfortable with or interested in, it’s a problem. Especially if you’ve already said no—the persistent badgering shows they don’t respect or care about your needs and, in some cases, your safety. As another note, anytime someone forces you to do something sexual, it’s rape, even if you’re married.
Compare Your Skills
When parenting, no one should compare your skills to someone else’s; it’s a red flag. If you are trying hard but not finding success, your partner can help in a supportive way. However, if he’s comparing you to his mother, family members, or heaven forbid his ex, it’s a sign you should rethink things or, at the very least, sit down and have a talk.
Hobbies
Everyone has hobbies, and you shouldn’t let anyone take yours away or vice versa. If you love to read and it annoys your spouse, don’t give it up; instead, do it somewhere else. You don’t have to lose what you love. Compromise is okay, but losing a part of yourself is not. If your hobby isn’t negatively affecting your relationship, then it’s not a problem.
Emotions
No one should try to micromanage your emotions. People cry, we laugh, and we get angry. You’re allowed to feel what you feel without someone telling you to stop crying or to suppress your emotions. They should comfort you, not make you feel worse, and they don’t have the right to tell you to be quiet or ignore your feelings.
Comfort
If you’re being pressured into doing things that you don’t want to do, like bungee jumping, driving, or engaging in intimacy, you don’t have to do it. It’s okay to say no, and you shouldn’t feel guilty or upset about that. A real partner will understand and love you no matter what.
Abuse From Family
When you marry someone, you also become involved with their family. Here’s the thing: if they don’t respect you and abuse you—whether it’s physical, emotional, or mental—you need to talk to your partner and tell them that this isn’t acceptable. If they don’t listen and continue to allow it, you should have a serious discussion about your relationship.
Forbid You From Speaking
Everyone has topics they don’t want to discuss, and that’s fine. What isn’t acceptable is someone telling you that you can’t speak about certain things. Holding everything in is harmful to both you and your partner. Communication is essential in any relationship, and without it, the relationship won’t last. If nothing else, this issue should prompt you to consider counseling.
Equality
Nothing is ever completely equal, but in marriages and relationships, you shouldn’t take and never give. Couples need to learn to compromise and help each other; if you keep a scoreboard of who owes what or who has done more, it’s going to drive you crazy. If you truly feel it’s unfair, talk it out.
Minimization
If you’ve been doing well—like getting a promotion at work—and your spouse responds with indifference or “meh,” that’s not a good sign. It shows that they don’t recognize your worth. In abusive relationships, it can be a way to make you feel inferior and diminish your self-esteem. If they ask you to give up your success, it’s a signal that all is not well.
Know Yourself
If your partner is asking about any of the things we’ve covered on this list, you might want to consider whether this relationship provides you with the respect and freedom you deserve. No one deserves to be abused or mistreated, and if you feel that you’re being put in such a situation, you can and should seek help.
