As parents, seeing your kids grow up and set out to build their lives is one of the most rewarding accomplishments you can make. But this phase can lead to strange, nerve-wracking territory for you and your partner. As you enter this new stage of life, reconnect with your partner and fend off empty nester syndrome with these tips.
Discuss the Changes Ahead
Before your last child leaves the home, it can be helpful to sit down and discuss the changes you’ll face together. Talk about your expectations, hopes, and any fears you might have. Being proactive about your feelings can prevent misunderstandings down the road. Remember both of you are facing an enormous life shift together.
Create New Dreams Together
Once your primary role shifts away from caretaker, you have the perfect opportunity to begin dreaming together again. What will this next chapter look like? Perhaps you’ll start a business, relocate, or pick up a shared hobby together. Crafting a dream offers something to look forward to and invest in together.
Go on Dates
Now is the perfect time to re-introduce date night into your routine. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or over the top—what matters is spending intentional time with one another. Whether it’s trying a new restaurant, going to the museum, or taking a cooking class, regular dates help to reignite and maintain that spark for years to come.
Join Social Groups
It can be extremely healthy to expand your social group at this time. Consider joining a club, sports team, or volunteer group together. Shared social experiences can inject fresh energy into your partnership. Plus, having mutual friends outside of your children helps to redefine your relationship as you move into this new chapter.
Travel Together
Without the constant scheduling conflict of school and extracurricular activities, you and your spouse suddenly have a lot of spare time on your hands. Plan trips to places you’ve always dreamed of visiting—from towns in your region to international destinations. Trips together—big and small—help to reignite a sense of connection and adventure as empty nesters.
Don’t Be Afraid to Express Yourself
Bottling up feelings about this major life transition can create strain in your relationship. To avoid resentment and distance, be honest about how you’re feeling. Maybe one of you is excited while the other feels lost—this is normal. Expressing your emotions without judgment helps you move through them as a unit.
Take on a New Hobby Together
Learning something new together builds teamwork, laughter, and connection. Try salsa dancing, painting, or even taking on a home renovation project. It doesn’t matter if you’re good at it—all that counts is that you have time together to set out on something new. You can have fun while tackling a challenge side by side.
Consider Counseling
There is nothing wrong with seeing a counselor during the transition to becoming empty nesters. Even if you feel healthy and balanced, a therapist can help guide you through this change smoothly. The stigma around therapy makes it seem like you have to be broken before you seek help, but it can actually be a great supplemental tool for your relationship.
Join an “Empty Nester” Group
There are countless empty nester groups you and your spouse can join, both online and in person. These groups give you the opportunity to meet other couples going through the same life transition. They can offer you helpful insights and tools to move through this new phase of life. This support system can lighten your load and remind you that you’re not going through this alone.
Express Gratitude
In the midst of change, pausing to acknowledge one another is a powerful way to strengthen your connection. Remember to say thank you for the small things your partner does for you. Expressing gratitude is an important way to stay united even on the hard days. It can shift the focus away from the pain and loss of becoming empty nesters and toward what is going well.
Avoid Filling Time With Busy Work
When the house feels empty, it’s tempting to overbook yourself to fill the newfound gaps in your schedule. Be mindful of how you fill your time and if you’re keeping busy just to avoid loneliness. Instead of packing your day with busy work, take time for meaningful connection with your spouse. Quality connection comes from presence, not constant busyness.
Take Stock of Your Shortcomings
Now is a great time to truly sit with yourself and evaluate your personal growth. It’s easy to point to outside factors when thinking of your current struggles, but oftentimes we forget to look in the mirror and truly understand our part in a situation. For the sake of your spouse, be sure to take stock of your own shortcomings and adjust as you move through this new season.
Try Out-of-the-Box Experiences
Shake things up by doing something neither of you has done before. Whether it’s pottery, skydiving, or gardening, trying something out-of-the-box together can infuse your relationship with a renewed sense of adventure and connection. You create the opportunity to experience something novel together. Laughing through the awkwardness of learning something new can create an opportunity to bond.
Find Shared Meaning
Once your children leave the home, it can feel like you’ve served your purpose. For 18 years or even longer, your mission was to raise your children. When they’re no longer there to serve as a shared purpose, empty nesters can drift apart without anything else anchoring them together. Rather than letting this set the tone for the rest of your relationship, work on ways to find shared meaning in other areas of life. Realign your values and find hobbies or activities in which you can find purpose together.
Learn a New Skill Together
Whether it’s learning a new language or mastering an instrument, learning a new skill together helps to build teamwork and connection in your relationship. It’s an opportunity to grow both individually and together. Taking on a skill-building activity together is an excellent way to maintain a fresh dynamic in your partnership.
