So I retired last year and lemme tell ya, it was weird at first. No more Karen from accounting bugging me about expense reports (thank god), but also… crickets. Too much daytime TV. Anyway, here’s some stuff I tried that actually worked.
Local Clubs (not the nightclub kind, unfortunately)
Joined a book club. Mostly we drink wine and gossip, but hey, sometimes we talk about books too. Met this lady Barb who’s hilarious – she always brings these crazy cheese platters. Note to self: ask Barb where she gets that amazing brie. We meet every other Tuesday at the library. Last week, we were supposed to discuss “Pride and Prejudice” but ended up debating whether Mr. Darcy or Mr. Bingley was dreamier. Good times!
Volunteer Gigs
Started helping at the animal shelter. Big mistake. Or big success? Now I have 3 cats. But also some cool human friends who don’t judge me for being a crazy cat lady. We get coffee sometimes and swap pet pics like proud parents. Last month, we organized a fundraiser – a pet fashion show. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a Great Dane in a tutu. My cats refused to participate. Can’t say I blame them.
Taking Random Classes
Tried pottery. I suck at it. But this guy Jim makes the most amazing mugs, and now we hang out and watch old movies sometimes. He doesn’t judge my lumpy ashtrays. Good guy, that Jim. We’ve started a little tradition of “Terrible Movie Tuesdays” where we watch the cheesiest films we can find. Last week was “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.” Jim brought homemade salsa. He’s got a weird sense of humor.
Community Events (aka free food opportunities)
Town always has something going on. Found a cheese festival last month! Who knew? Made friends with this couple over some gouda. We’re planning a wine and cheese night soon. Must remember to invite Barb from book club… The town’s got a full calendar – there’s a jazz in the park series starting next week, and a chili cook-off next month. I’m thinking of entering. Wonder if cat hair counts as a secret ingredient?
New Hobbies (or ways to embarrass myself)
Took up bird watching. Still can’t tell a sparrow from a finch, but I pretend I can. Met some nice folks who also pretend they know birds. We mostly just enjoy being outside and making stuff up about bird calls. Last weekend, we spent three hours trying to spot a “rare” bird that turned out to be a plastic bag stuck in a tree. We laughed so hard we scared away all the real birds.
Social Media (it’s not just for the grandkids)
Finally figured out Facebook. Found my old high school bestie! We hadn’t talked in 30 years, but now we chat every week. She lives nearby – small world! Planning to meet up soon. Hope she doesn’t expect me to look like I did in high school… Spent way too much time scrolling through old photos. Note to self: 80s hairstyles should never make a comeback. Ever. Also, why did I think that neon windbreaker was a good idea?
Fitness Groups (or, how I learned to sweat in public)
Joined a tai chi class in the park. We look ridiculous, but it’s fun. Made friends with this lady Sue who always brings snacks after. Pretty sure I’m undoing all the exercise, but Sue’s cookies are worth it. Last week, I almost fell into the duck pond trying to do the “White Crane Spreads Its Wings” move. Sue laughed so hard she snorted. Now that’s true friendship.
Hosting Stuff (despite my fear of cleaning)
Started a monthly game night. Nothing fancy – just snacks and board games. Always forget the rules to Catan, but no one seems to mind. Note: buy more chips next time. And maybe vacuum… nah, who am I kidding? Last time, we played Monopoly. It got so intense that Bob (my neighbor) didn’t talk to his wife for two days after she bankrupted him. Maybe we should stick to Uno.
