It’s easy to look at your parents and think, “I will never act like that with my kids” when you’re not a parent yet. But once you have your little bundle of joy, you may find yourself acting exactly like them in a moment of weakness. You’re definitely not alone in that struggle. The first step is to recognize these tendencies so you can begin to adjust. Here are 15 parenting mistakes to avoid that you may have picked up from your parents.
Perfection Over Presence
Your kids don’t need you to be perfect. It’s far more important for you to be present with them. Instead of stressing about giving them the perfect childhood or always being the perfect parent, accept that perfection is a pointless pursuit. Focus more on being with them and spending quality time together.
Thinking They’re “Mini You”
Your child isn’t a miniature version of you. They are their own person and will likely grow up with different views, interests, and behaviors than you. This is okay and completely natural. It’s normal for a child to go through a phase of diverging from their parents to form their own sense of individuality. You can either accept this and support them as they find themselves or resist their differences and risk creating a rift in your relationship.
Focusing More on Discipline Than Praise
While it’s vital to let your child know when they don’t meet expectations, ample praise is just as important. When you see them picking up without you asking, taking care of their pets, or eating all their veggies, let them know that you’re proud. Praise is usually a far better motivator than discipline.
Not Having a Consistent Schedule
Children thrive on consistency and routine. When they know what to expect day to day, you’ll have an easier time accommodating and anticipating their needs. For instance, if you have the same bedtime and naptime every day, you won’t be caught off guard when a tantrum starts. You and your children will have a much easier time finding a sustainable rhythm together if you prioritize routine.
Talking Badly About Yourself
Your children are always watching and taking cues from you on how to be. If you are constantly disparaging yourself and being your own worst critic, what do you think your child will learn to do? If you want to raise confident, self-assured children, you need to model positive self-talk.
Do As I Say, Not As I Do
You can’t expect the old phrase “do as I say, not as I do” to work when raising children. Kids are little sponges, constantly absorbing the world around them to learn how they should behave. If you chew your nails, don’t be surprised if you see your child doing so too. Be sure that you are modeling the best behaviors so your children will learn from you.
Not Explaining Rules
Children are naturally curious. They will have plenty of questions about why your expectations are what they are. Instead of getting frustrated and just saying “just do as I say,” explain to them why you have set certain rules. While it is important for them to respect your rules, you’ll likely have an easier time enforcing them if they understand why they exist.
Reinforcing Entitlement
It’s only natural that you want to give your child the whole world. And if you have the resources, it’s more than okay to ensure they have everything they need and much of what they want. But it’s important to set boundaries so they don’t grow entitled. Encourage a sense of gratitude for what they have and make sure they know they can’t always get everything they want.
Being Overprotective
Our children are precious and need a lot of protection. However, you can’t be so protective that they don’t have a chance to explore and take risks. It’s normal and developmentally important for your children to try new things and see the world. As long as you’re there to guide them, they will be more than okay.
Lack of Patience
After a long day of work and parenting, you are likely exhausted. But it’s vital not to take it out on your children. When they pepper you with questions, follow you around, or make a mess, maintain your composure. One day you’ll miss these moments and regret losing your patience.
Not Apologizing
Parents are not perfect, and it’s inevitable that you will make mistakes along the way. Instead of silently moving on when you make a mistake, offer an apology to your child. Not only will this strengthen your bond, but it will also encourage accountability and humility in your children.
Dismissing Their Emotions
Think back on your own childhood. Do you remember how overwhelming your emotions could feel? Even if your child is having what seems to be a disproportionate meltdown, it’s important not to dismiss the feelings behind it. Help them find better ways to express themselves rather than simply disciplining the behavior.
Assuming They Learn By Osmosis
While your child will pick up on many behaviors just by watching you, you’ll need to be more hands-on when it comes to teaching them. For instance, you’ll need to actually sit down and teach them how to tie their shoes. You must intentionally impart traditions and even consider teaching them skills they’ll need as adults, like budgeting and household duties.
Not Prioritizing Intentional Family Time
It’s easy to fall into the pattern of watching TV or using devices together during downtime. While that’s okay occasionally, it’s important to plan intentional time together as a family as well. Plan a fun outing or even a daily “unplugged” dinner. This will provide a much better opportunity to truly connect with one another.
Not Fostering Independence
It’s only natural to feel compelled to do everything for your child. But the goal in raising children isn’t to make everything as easy and comfortable as possible—it’s to help prepare them to be competent, responsible adults. You need to encourage developmentally appropriate independence every step of the way so your child will have confidence in their ability to take care of themselves.
