The story of Narcissus is a cautionary tale about a young man who falls in love with his reflection. His face floating on the water, he becomes so charmed and captivated that he can’t look away. He stops eating, and the fixation ultimately leads to his death. This is where we derive “narcissism” and “narcissist” in English. The story warns that self-obsession can lead to destruction. Nowhere is that more evident than in a relationship. Here are 10 red flags to watch out for. If you connect with some of these characteristics, you could be dating a narcissist. (Disclaimer: Talk with a mental health professional for an accurate diagnosis.)
Incessant Need for Attention
Does your partner constantly vie for your attention? Do they turn the TV off when you’re in the middle of watching something? Do they get jealous when you give your dog attention? You could be dealing with a narcissist. People like this are self-centered—they want all the attention on them, and fulfilling their needs is more important. Secretly, they hold deep-seated insecurities, but that’s no way to be in a relationship.
Difficulty Maintaining Relationships
A narcissist leaves a trail of destruction wherever they go. That’s because they struggle to maintain relationships with friends and family. If your partner is estranged from their family or doesn’t have many friends, it could be a sign that something’s off. They could be a narcissist, and you will likely experience problems in your relationship.
Lack of Empathy
When you get upset, does your partner give you a blank stare? Do they look like they don’t understand why you cry when your feelings are hurt? It’s possible your partner may be narcissistic. If they don’t know why some work drama upset you and have difficulties understanding your emotions, that could mean that they don’t have empathy. You need empathy for a relationship to work.
Grandiose Fantasies
People with narcissistic tendencies are known to become enthralled with grandiose fantasies. They are usually unrealistic. Perhaps it involves upending your lives and moving to Austin, Texas. What about family or friends? What about your jobs? Narcissists won’t see the underlying problems in their fantasies. If they don’t act them out, they may just live there in their head.
Manipulative Behavior
Do you doubt yourself in the relationship? Does it feel like your words get twisted into things you don’t mean? Narcissists are master manipulators, and they’ll control you like a puppet. The narcissist operates to fulfill their own needs and will go to any length to honor them. A narcissist will get you to say and do things that are out of character. Know yourself and be strong.
Exploitative Behavior
As mentioned earlier, narcissists act to serve themselves and fulfill their needs. So, if you have something they want, they’ll take it without asking. Are you noticing unusual transactions on your bank account? Are they suspiciously large sums? Your partner could be exploiting you for money. Be sure to protect yourself and keep your funds out of reach.
Sense of Entitlement
Does your partner expect to be pampered and catered to at every whim? They’re showing entitlement. In other ways, narcissists demonstrate this when they refuse to take the blame. They often lack humility and will do anything to avoid the sting of shame. Of course, someone can be entitled and not be a narcissist, but you’ll have to check for other red flags.
Need for Admiration
Is your partner always trying to impress you? Do their actions feel self-serving? If so, it sounds like they have an uncontrollable need for admiration; they want to be the apple of your eye, always. Narcissists must feel admired, and they must be the center of attention. Trust your instincts about people and don’t ignore the warning signs. If they seem to be adding up, perhaps it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.
Excessive Self-Importance
Let’s say you’re on a date at the movies. Your partner says they are hungry, even after the dinner you just had. If they are trying to get you to leave so they can get something else to eat, this could be an indicator that something’s off. They may have an inflated sense of self-importance, prioritizing their own needs over those of others. For a relationship to succeed, you need equal parts compassion and compromise. Don’t let them walk all over you.
Disregard for Others’ Feelings
If you’ve marked yes for each of these red flags, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. As hard as it is, you must understand that your partner does not love you in the way you think. They may be incapable of loving you the way you deserve, and they have no regard for your feelings. You deserve much better, and we hope that you can find the courage to be confident and strong when you sense something’s off. They only think about themselves, and you must be strong enough to walk away if you have to.
