Dealing with your spouse’s ex can be tricky. Whether they co-parent, share history, or just occasionally cross paths, some topics are better left unsaid. Keep conversations polite, avoid drama-stirring topics, and keep things on a ‘need-to-know’ basis. To keep the peace (and avoid unnecessary awkwardness), here are 15 things you should never say. Keep it classy!
“You’re so not his usual type.”
This can sound way too loaded. Are you implying that she’s below par, that he lowered his standards for her? You might as well look her up and down at the same time with a comment like this one. Rather than making them feel criticized, just kick things off with a pleasant smile.
“Why Did You Two Break Up?”
Their past relationship is none of your business. If they want to share, they will, but fishing for drama only makes things tense. Asking why they broke up might be a sore subject, so why make a civil conversation turn sour? His ex might still be dealing with the fallout, so best to tread carefully.
“I Can’t Believe They Used to Date You!”
Yikes. Whether intentional or not, this sounds super condescending. Just because you love your spouse doesn’t mean you need to put their ex down. Unless they’re a famous pop star or a supermodel, there’s no way of making this comment sound anything but rude. Keep comments like these well under wraps!
“Do You Still Have Feelings for Them?”
Ouch! Even if you’re curious, don’t go there. It’s an unnecessary and uncomfortable question that could stir up emotions best left in the past. While your intentions may be perfectly innocent, they could hit a raw nerve and prompt a quick exit or round of tears. Stay well away from the breakup conversation!
“They’ve Changed So Much Since You Two Were Together.”
Even if you mean it in a good way, this could sting. It suggests your spouse needed to change because of their past relationship. It also implies that you’re ‘better’ than them for facilitating the change, so it’ll only make you look big-headed. It won’t do anyone any good. Not helpful.
“Our Intimate Connection Is Amazing.”
Just… no. Even if you’ve had a couple of drinks and loosened up, it’s still a massive no! Whether they’re fully over them or still have feelings, no one ever wants to hear this about their ex under any circumstances. Keep the intimate details between you and your spouse! Major cringe!
“I Can’t Imagine You Two Together.”
They were together. And even if it feels weird to you, it was once their reality. This comment can come across as dismissive or insulting. You’re saying that he’s much better than his ex, and you’re more ‘in his league’. Pretty demeaning and insulting! Just smile and talk about the weather!
“They Told Me Everything About You.”
Oof. This just makes them wonder exactly what was shared. Are you judging them based on your spouse’s version of events? Do you have a ton of shady secrets about them that you’re hinting at? Have you heard that they’re difficult? Whatever it is, it’s plain awkward, however good your intentions are!
“Your Kids Are a Handful!”
If they share kids, keep your comments neutral. Suggesting their children are a handful or ‘difficult’ isn’t going to get you anywhere. Remember, a mother can say what she wants about her kids, but if anyone else hints at anything less than perfect – it’s out-and-out war! Not a good look.
“We Never Fight Like You Two Did.”
Every relationship is different, and comparing yours to theirs is unnecessary. Plus, you weren’t there, you don’t know what happened. Under no circumstances does a comment like this sound anything less than judgmental and catty. Regardless of any family disputes, keep these comments to yourself and let the two of them handle matters.
“I Totally Understand What They Went Through With You.”
This sounds so passive-aggressive and is highly likely to trigger a negative response if not a full-out catfight. Even if your spouse vented about their ex’s flaws, you don’t need to bring it up. Let the past be the past and let them learn to navigate their way through the relationship.
“I Hope We Can Be Friends!”
While it’s great to be cordial, pushing for friendship can feel forced. Some exes just want a peaceful coexistence, not BFF status. However friendly your spouse’s ex is, and regardless of how much you connect, it isn’t wise to jump in with a friendship request. If it happens organically, so be it.
“Do You Regret Breaking Up?”
This question is just stirring the pot. No matter their answer, it puts them in an uncomfortable position and serves no real purpose. It might seem like a throwaway comment to you, but for them, it might stir up some unresolved issues. Avoid causing any complications that could have an impact on your relationship.
“I’m So Glad They Found Someone Better.”
Even if you’re trying to be nice, this is just rude, and you’re heading straight into argument territory. It implies they weren’t good enough, which is unnecessary and hurtful. It also makes you look arrogant and childish, which is in no way helpful to your relationship. If you can’t say anything nice, say nothing.
“I Can’t Wait Until You Move On.”
Maybe they already have, maybe they haven’t, but it’s not your place to say. Let them move on in their way, without your input. It also sounds pretty harsh and implies you want to get rid of them. While that might be the case, there’s no need to hurt someone’s feelings. Be cool!
