Whoever said love was easy set a lot of us up for failure. Maintaining a relationship takes a lot of intentional work—especially if you’ve been together for a long time. If you’re hoping to make it all the way with your significant other, keep these 15 relationship issues that can even cause long-term spouses to divorce in mind.
Lack of Communication
An open line of communication is non-negotiable in a long-term relationship. You’re going to face an array of challenges together as a couple throughout the years. Children, deaths in the family, financial struggles—you name it. If you can’t get on the same page to discuss a path forward together, any one of these challenges threatens to destroy the entire relationship.
Empty Nester Syndrome
One of the greatest missions you can embark on as a couple is starting your own family. Raising children can be a challenging adventure that draws you closer together. Or it can become a duty you forge your whole identity around. There’s nothing wrong with being a dedicated parent, but your kids will move away at some point. Be sure you have common interests outside of your parental duties to lean on once your little birds fly the nest. If not, you may struggle to connect with your partner once they leave.
Unrealistic Expectations
Your partner should be able to fulfill a lot of your baseline needs for security, love, and safety. Your lives together should feel balanced and fair. No one party should be taking on too much consistently. Take a look at what your expectations for your partner are. Can you honestly say what you’re asking for is fair and balanced? Or are you asking them to overextend themselves? While your partner should be more than happy to do so every once in a while, you can’t expect them to go out of their way all the time for you. This can lead to burnout.
Ignoring Bids for Connection
Do you ever find yourself on a drive with your S.O. pointing out the window and exclaiming “look at that cool bird” or finding something interesting online and running to show them? These are called bids for affection. According to the Gorman Institute, they can predict whether a couple will stay together with alarming accuracy simply based upon how often those bids are acknowledged. Even if it’s silly, be sure you’re answering these calls for small connections every time.
Infidelity
Infidelity is the ultimate breach of trust in a relationship. Whether the affair was emotional or physical, the faithful partner is left feeling shattered and not good enough. With open communication and a lot of time to heal and rebuild trust, a couple can get through infidelity together. But it’s more likely that the damage is done after such a betrayal.
Financial Struggles
Money struggles are one of the most difficult challenges you can endure. Whether you’re struggling with job loss or the staggering cost of living, it’s not easy to manage a budget for two people let alone a whole family. If you can’t get on the same page financially, resentment and bitterness can grow. You need to agree on how much money you should spend and save as well as what to do to secure more funds if necessary.
Lack of Trust
Trust is fragile. Lies, abandonment, or not showing up when you say you will can all contribute to a breakdown of confidence in you. Your partner should feel completely safe and comfortable with you. If you lose your significant other’s trust, there’s no guarantee that you can regain it. Without a dedicated and honest attempt to build trust back, you may destroy your relationship.
Major Life Disruptions
We can plan every aspect of our lives to a tee and still get knocked off course by unforeseen disruptions. You never know what bumps in the road are up ahead. Without a solid bond with your partner, these tumultuous times can drive a wedge between the two of you. It’s vital to strengthen the relationship during good times so it may weather the storm when the inevitable unforeseen problem crops up.
Lack of Alone Time
We all need ample time to grow in our interests, work, and friendships separately from our partners. It can feel stifling to have a partner that feels the need to be together every waking second of the day. While it’s so important to spend quality time together, it’s still vital to take time for yourself too.
Growing Apart
As the years wear on, both you and your significant other will morph and change into so many versions of yourselves. Many couples learn to love each new iteration of their partner, staying curious about the new facets that emerge. But it’s only natural that as you change, you become two people who are no longer in love. It’s an unfortunate reality that many couples face.
Marrying Too Young
Marriage is a serious commitment meant to last a lifetime. While you might feel head over heels with your partner in your early 20s, you have no idea who they might grow to be as you get older. If you want to assure you’ve found the right one, hold off on marriage until you’re both in a stable place. If you truly love your partner, what’s a few years of waiting to marry in the grand scheme of things?
Addressing Conflict Symptom, Not Cause
How many silly fights over dishes or where to leave the TV remote have you endured? Even the most trivial of fights usually have a root cause. Perhaps you get mad at your partner for leaving their socks on the floor. It’s really not that big of a deal. But the root cause might actually be feeling like they don’t help around the house enough. Don’t just address the symptom; air out the cause.
Built Up Resentment
Years of communication breakdowns and brushing issues under the rug can fester within us, leading to intense feelings of resentment. Riding the wave of good times is naturally far more favorable than laying out all your grievances. But the longer you leave issues unresolved, the more resentment can grow. This will reach a breaking point one day.
Health Issues
Illness can be a very difficult challenge to face together as a couple. If you experience a limiting health issue and your partner takes on your care, they will likely jump at the opportunity to keep you comfortable. Over time, caregivers can face burnout and health issues of their own. In order to keep your relationship strong, couples and individual therapy can be a great option.
Societal Changes
It seems like each year offers more and more head-spinning changes to society. From AI to the shifting climate, it’s a lot to adjust to. As times change, so do standards around relationships. In previous times, you were expected to marry and have children young. We now know this isn’t the best path for everyone. As the times change, one or both individuals may begin to question their relationship when new ways of doing things come to their attention.
