When we get into a habit, it can be hard to break out of. The same goes for our bad relationship habits. Over time, if you don’t address them, these behaviors can cause serious damage to your partnership. Identify and address these 15 harmful habits to avoid in your relationship.
Avoiding Tough Conversations
Sweeping issues under the rug never makes them go away — it only serves to build resentment over time. Get comfortable bringing up tough conversations with your partner when you need to. This will allow you space to express any grievances while also helping to mend any issues within the relationship promptly.
Stonewalling
Playing the silence game when you’re upset is more harmful than you may think. This behavior is called stonewalling. If you need space to think, say that. Shutting down instead of communicating just displays to your partner that you’re emotionally unavailable in conflict. Eventually, this will create a huge rift between the two of you.
Keeping Score
Relationships aren’t simply transactional — that tit-for-tat thinking keeps you stuck in the blame game rather than setting you up for growth. Remember, in a partnership there are seasons where things aren’t 50/50. It’s important to be willing to support your partner when they can’t give their all. Hopefully, they would be willing to do the same for you.
Yelling or Name-Calling
Even in a heated moment, respect is vital. Verbal attacks can cause lasting damage to emotional intimacy and affect your partner’s ability to feel safe with you. If you set the precedent that you may get nasty during an argument, your partner may withdraw and avoid conflict resolution altogether.
Expecting Your Partner to Read Your Mind
It’s your significant other’s job to stay receptive to your needs, not intuitively know what those needs are. Be sure to let them in on what it is you need from them before you get offended that they’re not showing up in the way you want them to. Clear communication helps you avoid misaligned expectations and unnecessary hurt feelings.
Prioritizing Ego Over Empathy
It’s pure ego to prioritize being right over lending an empathetic ear to your partner. The constant need to “win” a fight can actually ruin your chances at being understood and building closeness. The fact of the matter is, you will be wrong sometimes. And so will your partner. It’s best to own this and come to a resolution together.
Testing or Manipulating Them
Games encourage insecurity, not intimacy. If you have doubts or insecurities about your partnership, you need to communicate that with your partner. If you’re constantly testing your partner’s loyalty or trust, they will eventually get tired of constantly having to play defense when they haven’t even done anything wrong. Trust can’t grow where emotional safety is shaky.
Constantly Comparing to Others
Whether it’s your ex, a friend’s partner, or even couples online, comparisons create immense pressure and dissatisfaction in your relationship. You should only strive to be a better version of yourselves. What goals can you set together to achieve? Focus on these areas rather than wishing your partner or relationship was like someone else’s.
Minimizing Their Feelings
Phrases like “you’re overreacting” or “you always blow things out of proportion” shut down vulnerability and invalidate your significant other’s experience. If you truly care about them, you will be more than willing to hear them out every time—even when their grievances get a bit repetitive. Issues don’t resolve themselves overnight. Take the time to work these things out together.
Being Controlling or Possessive
Love thrives in freedom and a feeling of safety. Controlling behavior is often rooted in fear and insecurity. This can feel extremely suffocating to your partner. If you are worried about their loyalty, you need to express this through clear, vulnerable communication so you can find a solution together. But remember, you can’t force someone to ease your every anxiety.
Withdrawing Affection as Punishment
Love shouldn’t be conditional on whether or not you’re in conflict. In fact, you should lean into love even more when you’re upset with your partner. Learn to express your disappointments in a loving, respectful manner. Keep in mind that withholding love can be a type of emotional manipulation, and it’s not healthy for your partnership.
Neglecting Yourself
Alone time and space to grow in your own interests is absolutely vital in any healthy relationship. Don’t neglect yourself in pursuit of your partner. Losing your identity to the relationship puts too much pressure on your partner to fulfill your every need. No one person can do that on your behalf. You must stay whole even when merging lives with someone else.
Trying to “Fix” Them
Love them as they are — not as a project. We can’t take on all of our partner’s shortcomings and insecurities. You may be tempted to try to change your partner. If only they did things your way, they might be able to overcome their struggles. But your job is to support their individual growth, not take on their healing as your job. Be a person to lean on through their journey and not their life coach. Over time, this can create a strained dynamic and destroy intimacy.
Refusing to Apologize
Accountability shows maturity and care. We all mess up every now and then. Maybe we miss an important date or say something we don’t mean. Brushing your mistakes under the rug can make your partner feel like you don’t care about their well-being. An earnest apology can feel vulnerable, but it can be extremely healing in your relationship. No one’s perfect — own your part when needed.
Avoiding Quality Time
Letting life’s busyness take precedence over intentional quality time can slowly turn you and your significant other into roommates. It doesn’t have to look like an extravagant night out every week. Quality time can be screen-free dinners, morning walks, or a simple coffee date. Never stop pursuing the relationship and always stay curious about your partner, even years into the relationship.
